The dog who stole my cell, or something like that

Did I say uneventful? Really, I am trying. But it’s not working.

In the past month I – 1) Got attacked by a dog while jogging, 2) Had my cell phone involuntarily adopted, 3) Went ass-over-tea kettle on my bicycle avoiding a cat that darted from underneath a car. For all of these events, I can’t help but wonder how I would have dealt with them differently if I were in Congo.

Dog bite - The dog belongs to a neighbor of my parent's in Georgia, and I knew it did not have rabies. Bonus! My mom took me the emergency room, since the second bite, right behind my knee, was pretty deep. I certainly am not the first person to limp into an ER wearing jogging clothes, the thought of which made my mom and I giggle a lot. We called all our relatives and played “guess who’s in the emergency room?” With a niece and nephew and my sister in town the odds were pretty even. The nurses commented that we seemed to be having an awful lot of fun. What can I say – my family always finds humor in non-lethal injuries. Better to happen in Congo or USA? – Much better for this to happen in the USA because of medical facilities.

The cell phone - My phone slipped out of my pocket as I biked home in DC. I borrowed my roommate’s cell, frantically called and called my number hoping someone would pick up. I even retraced my bike path while calling. I never hear this damn phone ring even when it is ten feet away from me in my apartment with no music on, so why I thought I’d suddenly hear it on a busy street is anyone’s guess. A man who owns a small grocery watches me pacing the street and dialing, and someone finally answers. Thank god! I think. I tell her she found my phone, she tells me that no, it is her phone. Bad sign. The next call she says the same, the third time a man answers who tells me he does not speak English. He hangs up and turns the phone’s power off. I get angry. The man outside his shop then asks me why I did not ask him for help, implying I made a mistake and he would have solved the problem. I get angrier. Where is good karma? Why does this man hover and watch me and then reprimand me? I walk home furious, wishing I could throw something. My roommate is home and listens to my tirade about karma and stealing and the one time I found a phone and tracked down the owner because that is what you do. Luckily she informs me that I can keep the same number but I should head to T-Mobile to cancel that phone quickly to ensure no international calling on my dime. I do just that and feel better. USA or Congo? I would have dealt with this much better in Congo, where something akin to this happened at least once a week. There I let these things go, but in the USA I have a harder time. My theory is this – in Congo I decided to stress over only the things in my life I could control, which was about 5% of all happenings. I let the other 95% go (generator breaking, warehouse getting broken into, annoying cops, mundane food, canceled flights, random illnesses, etc). In the USA most of us, myself included, are under the false impression we can control 100% of our lives. Hence the cell phone freakout.

The bike spill – A muzungu lady falling on her bike in front of a crowd of Congolese kids? Heck no. I would infinitely prefer to go down on pavement on a quiet street in DC than fall on cushioned dirt in a Congolese town. It’s all about pride.

Last week, as I am pulling my bike through the door with a slight limp, wondering what wrench I need to use to get the handle bars straightened back to their proper angle, I get a phone call from my best friend who tells me she is engaged (I had been waiting for her to call since, like everyone else, her number was in the cell phone no longer in my employ). Not all events are bad.

Ch-Ch-Changes

Not many people make a decision to lead an uneventful life. As a goal, it is not a very good one. A person eventually settles into such an existence. But when I decided to leave the Democratic Republic of Congo, my home of 16 months, I did so with this very objective in mind. I wanted Sunday brunches, Target, and coffee with soy milk on a Friday afternoon while reading an Oprah-endorsed book. I wanted to just take an Advil when I got a headache, rather than have a panic attack that I had contracted malaria. Again.

People often tell me that they are envious of my adventurous lifestyle. They claim to live vicariously through me. I can see their point. When I read my former blog, Breaking Hearts in the Heart of Darkness, I see someone whose engagement with the world and unique lifestyle makes for an extraordinary experience, even if I never saw it as such at the time. That was simply my life, no exaggerations, and I included the annoyances and boredom as much as I did the beauty and excitement. The former usually outweighed the latter. For those that envied or even complimented my choice, I could not help but wish I felt the same love for my lifestyle. Ideas are easy to love, and the idea of living in such a stimulating place like Congo is like having a crush on an exciting hottie who drives a motorcycle and reads Camus. That was Africa for me. The land I liked from afar for one reason and grew to love for the frustratingly beautiful reality it is. However, I have chosen to leave that life for the tame one. I doubt this blog will inspire the same envy, but writing has become a lovely addiction.

This blog is about coming home - being a former expat, exploring urban jungles, and coming to terms with knowing that the rest of the world is there waiting for me like an old flame, as it is for every person who has or will step outside their own corner of the world. Welcome to the adventures and non-adventures of Conrad's ex-girlfriend, on the rebound from her relationship with the Heart of Darkness.